Childhood-2

My parents were not only incompetent in raising and caring for me, but they were also inattentive to my mental health, probably because they were too busy. Even though I have grown up now, I am still most afraid of being alone because when I was a child, they always left me at home for the whole day, which made me have a psychological shadow. At that time, I still remember that our house was a courtyard building, the fence was very low, and the locks of the doors were made of wood, which was not strong, so I was always afraid that someone would break into our house. The slightest noise would make me jump like a frightened rabbit and hide under the beds. I remember one day when someone knocked on the door and enticed me to open it. My heart jumped into my throat. Of course, I kept silent and pretended that my father was at home and I cried immediately after my parents came home late at night, saying that I would rather go to the store with my mom than stay home alone, even though it was very noisy and my mom said it was inconvenient for me to do my homework. A few days later, in the middle of the night, when everyone was asleep, the house was burglarized, only then did my parents pay attention to my surroundings and personal safety, but that was all, and the shock and trauma I had suffered were not addressed and resolved.

Another thing is very small, and it will happen in my family every day basically. Like what happened one day at noon.

My mom: want some roast pork, baby?

Me: No

My mom: I'll heat up the meat for you. Try it.

Me: (shaking my head) I don't want any.

My mom took the meat and warmed it up, then brought it out.

My mom: Have a piece. It tastes good when it's hot.

I: No, I won't.

My dad took out his chopsticks and handed me a piece of meat: Here, try this. It's delicious.

Me: No, no, no, no, no! How many times do I have to say it?

The typical and vivid scene， right？ I don't know why this scene happened all the time, but I will think about that as thoroughly as possible and write it down.

Childhood-1

 I decided to write some simple stories to explore how I developed this character and personality. Actually, we all know it must begin with my childhood, right? I  have some obscure memories, not very clear because, you know, I was just a baby, my parents started in a very poor situation, they worked so hard that I could have a good environment to live in, they do some small business in the market at the beginning, they are swamped and don't have enough time to take care me, they send me to my grandparent's home which in the countryside far away from the city. My grandparents said they could do them a favor, but I was so delicate and vulnerable that I got a severe disease when I arrived in the countryside. Unfortunately, they chose not to tell my parents and took me to the little clinic, so the situation became more and more serious when my parents found it and took me to the hospital. I have severe sequela, some nerve injury, and I can not hear anything in my right ear, they said.

It's tough to deal with this situation in my childhood. The child is cruel and hurtful sometimes; they will insult and mock you when you are different and look weak. What I could do is just arm myself with armor to protect myself. My rule of survival in school was to observe and learn from the most popular people in the school. I began to deliberately approach their small group, gaining favor through humor and giving, and the results were obvious I became popular, even though it wasn't really me, and I realized the importance of camouflaging my ego in this regard. I remember pretending to be a rebel in middle school in order to fit in... sounds crazy right? I'd deliberately contradict teachers, cut my hair short, dress up like a tomboy, communicate in an offensive way, etc.